Delicacy of manner at table stamps both man and woman, for one can, at
a glance, discern whether a person has been trained to eat
well--i.e. to hold the knife and fork properly, to eat without the
slightest sound of the lips, to drink quietly, to use the napkin
rightly, to make no noise with any of the implements of the table, and
last, but not least, to eat slowly and masticate the food thoroughly.
All these points should be most carefully taught to children, and then
they will always feel at their ease at the grandest tables in the
land. There is no position where the innate refinement of a person is
more fully exhibited than at the table, and nowhere that those who
have not been trained in table etiquette feel more keenly their
deficiencies. The knife should never be used to carry food to the
mouth, but only to cut it up into small mouthfuls; then place it upon
the plate at one side, and take the fork in the right hand, and eat
all the food with it. When both have been used finally, they should be
laid diagonally across the plate, with both handles toward the right
hand; this is understood by well-trained waiters to be the signal for
removing them, together with the plate.
Be careful to keep the mouth shut closely while masticating the food.
It is the opening of the lips which causes the smacking which seems
very disgusting. Chew your food well, but do it silently, and be
careful to take small mouthfuls. The knife can be used to cut the meat
finely, as large pieces of meat are not healthful, and appear very
indelicate. At many tables, two, three or more knives and forks are
placed on the table, the knives at the right hand of the plate, the
forks at the left,--a knife and a fork for each course, so that there
need be no replacing of them after the breakfast and dinner is served.
The smaller ones, which are for game, dessert, or for hot cakes at
breakfast, can be tucked under the edges of the plate, and the large
ones, for the meat and vegetables, are placed outside of them. Be very
careful not to clatter your knives and forks upon your plates, but use
them without noise. When passing the plate for a second helping, lay
them together at one side of the plate, with handles to the right.
When you are helped to anything, do not wait until the rest of the
company are provided, as it is not considered good breeding. Soup is
always served for the first course, and it should be eaten with
dessert spoons, and taken from the sides, not the tips, of them,
without any sound of the lips, and not sucked into the mouth audibly
from the ends of the spoon. Bread should not be broken into soup or
gravy. Never ask to be helped to soup a second time. The hostess may
ask you to take a second plate, but you will politely decline. Fish
chowder, which is served in soup plates, is said to be an exception
which proves this rule, and when eating of that it is correct to take
a second plateful if desired.
Another generally neglected obligation is that of spreading butter on
one's bread as it lies in one's plate, or but slightly lifted at one
end of the plate; it is very frequently buttered in the air, bitten in
gouges, and still held in the face and eyes of the table with the
marks of the teeth on it; This is certainly not altogether pleasant,
and it is better to cut it, a bit at a time, after buttering it, and
put piece by piece in the mouth with one's finger and thumb. Never
help yourself to butter, or any other food with your own knife or
fork. It is not considered good taste to mix food on the same plate.
Salt must be left on the side of the plate and never on the
tablecloth.
Let us mention a few things concerning the eating of which there is
sometimes doubt. A cream-cake and anything of similar nature should be
eaten with knife and fork, never bitten. Asparagus--which should be
always served on bread or toast so as to absorb superfluous
moisture--may be taken from the finger and thumb; if it is fit to be
set before you the whole of it may be eaten. Pastry should be broken
and eaten with a fork, never cut with a knife. Raw oysters should be
eaten with a fork, also fish. Peas and beans, as we all know, require
the fork only; however food that cannot be held with a fork should be
eaten with a spoon. Potatoes, if mashed, should be mashed with the
fork. Green corn should be eaten from the cob; but it must be held
with a single hand.
Celery, cresses, olives, radishes, and relishes of that kind are, of
course, to be eaten with the fingers; the salt should be laid upon
one's plate, not upon the cloth. Fish is to be eaten with the fork,
without the assistance of the knife; a bit of bread in the left hand
sometimes helps one to master a refractory morsel. Fresh fruit should
be eaten with a silver-bladed knife, especially pears, apples, etc.
Berries, of course, are to be eaten with a spoon. In England they are
served with their hulls on, and three or four are considered an ample
quantity. But then in England they are many times the size of ours;
there they take the big berry by the stem, dip into powdered sugar,
and eat it as we do the turnip radish. It is not proper to drink with
a spoon in the cup; nor should one, by-the-way, ever quite drain a cup
or glass.
Don't, when you drink, elevate your glass as if you were going to
stand it inverted on your nose. Bring the glass perpendicularly to the
lips, and then lift it to a slight angle. Do this easily.
Drink sparingly while eating. It is far better for the digestion not
to drink tea or coffee until the meal is finished. Drink gently, and
do not pour it down your throat like water turned out of a pitcher.
When seating yourself at the table, unfold your napkin and lay it
across your lap in such a manner that it will not slide off upon the
floor; a gentleman should place it across his right knee. Do not tuck
it into your neck like a child's bib. For an old person, however, it
is well to attach the napkin to a napkin hook and slip it into the
vest or dress buttonholes, to protect their garments, or sew a broad
tape at two places on the napkin, and pass it over the head. When the
soup is eaten, wipe the mouth carefully with the napkin, and use it to
wipe the hands after meals. Finger bowls are not a general
institution, and yet they seem to be quite as needful as the napkin,
for the fingers are also liable to become a little soiled in eating.
They can be had quite cheaply, and should be half-filled with water,
and placed upon the side table or butler's tray, with the dessert,
bread and cheese, etc. They are passed to each person half filled with
water, placed on a parti-colored napkin with a dessert plate
underneath, when the dessert is placed upon the table. A leaf or two
of sweet verbena, an orange flower, or a small slice of lemon, is
usually put into each bowl to rub upon the fingers. The slice of lemon
is most commonly used. The finger tips are slightly dipped into the
bowl, the lemon juice is squeezed upon them, and then they are dried
softly upon the napkin. At dinner parties and luncheons they are
indispensable.
Spoons are sometimes used with firm puddings, but forks are the better
style. A spoon should never be turned over in the mouth.
Ladies have frequently an affected way of holding the knife half-way
down its length, as if it were too big for their little hands; but
this is as awkward a way as it is weak; the knife should be grasped
freely by the handle only, the forefinger being the only one to touch
the blade, and that only along the back of the blade at its root, and
no further down.
At the conclusion of a course, where they have been used, knife and
fork should be laid side by side across the middle of the plate--never
crossed; the old custom of crossing them was in obedience to an
ancient religious formula. The servant should offer everything at the
left of the guest, that the guest may be at liberty to use the right
hand. If one has been given a napkin ring, it is necessary to fold
one's napkin and use the ring; otherwise the napkin should be left
unfolded. One's teeth are not to be picked at table; but if it is
impossible to hinder it, it should be done behind the napkin. One may
pick a bone at the table, but, as with corn, only one hand is allowed
to touch it; yet one can easily get enough from it with knife and
fork, which is certainly the more elegant way of doing; and to take
her teeth to it gives a lady the look of caring a little too much for
the pleasures of the table; one is, however, on no account to suck
one's finger after it.
Whenever there is any doubt as to the best way to do a thing, it is
wise to follow that which is the most rational, and that will almost
invariably be found to be proper etiquette. To be at ease is a great
step towards enjoying your own dinner, and making yourself agreeable
to the company. There is reason for everything in polite usage; thus
the reason why one does not blow a thing to cool it, is not only that
it is an inelegant and vulgar action intrinsically, but because it may
be offensive to others--cannot help being so, indeed; and it, moreover
implies, haste, which, whether from greediness or a desire to get
away, is equally objectionable. Everything else may be as easily
traced to its origin in the fit and becoming.
If, to conclude, one seats one's self properly at table and takes
reason into account, one will do tolerably well. One must not pull
one's chair too closely to the table, for the natural result of that
is the inability to use one's knife and fork without inconveniencing
one's neighbor; the elbows are to be held well in and close to one's
side, which cannot be done if the chair is too near the board. One
must not lie or lean along the table, nor rest one's arms upon it. Nor
is one to touch any of the dishes; if a member of the family, one can
exercise all the duties of hospitality through servants, and wherever
there are servants, neither family nor guests are to pass or help from
any dish. Finally, when rising from your chair leave it where it
stands.